Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
