PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
