im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
