Christians are straight up FREAKS
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
