I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
