We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
