I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
