Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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