My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
