Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
