whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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