I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
