I'm drive I can fine osifer
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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