i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
