I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize