My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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