I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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