Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
