saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
