I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
