When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
no you cant smoke seaweed
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You can't just leave with hair like that
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
