why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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