ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
