What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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