What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
