Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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