Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
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