fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
