what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i now understand why vodka
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
