Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
