dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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