chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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