How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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