so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Who did Billy Mays play for?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
