You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
