it was like his penis was on wheels.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
