And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
