I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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