The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
