Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
