A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
