The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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