someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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