PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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