I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
