idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
