On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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