You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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