you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
