Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
