You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
