apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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