alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
