you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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