I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
