:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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