for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
