can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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