LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
