Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
