i need an iv and a liver transplant
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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