I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
