If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
