just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize