the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
