from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
