I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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