And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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