I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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