We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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