Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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